Last updated: 2024-07-01


I have stolen this idea from Édouard Levé, you should steal it too. I have a hanging mobile with three birds that has the cords all tangled and has been sitting on my shelf waiting for me to untangle it for almost four years, every once in a while I pick it up and try for a few minutes before putting it back. I like shopping malls, especially the big American kind that are the size of a small Scottish village and have food courts, cinemas, ice skating rinks and many secret corridors. My favourite colour combination is blue, grey and white. I have a fear of undercooked food and often burn things on purpose. I never liked my grandmother’s house (on my father’s side) or the way it smelled, it always felt like being in a showroom. I worry if my recent hearing loss is due to a lack of sleep, naturally going deaf, or a brain tumour. I funded most of my second year of university selling bootleg copies of videos unavailable to buy in the UK, mainly the Star Wars Holiday Special, and met a very good friend who was buying a copy, and we are still in touch. I have a few unpopular opinions that I realise are different from the majority, but it’s because I am reluctant to make a decision when our human knowledge is limited and we do not know all of the facts. I have a sugar addiction, I have never been able to quit donuts, biscuits or dark chocolate. I am extremely turned on by the right kind of smell but I am too embarrassed to reveal this to anyone because I suspect they will find it weird. One of my favourite books is The Eleventh Hour by Graeme Base. I do not like to use cutlery in restaurants and I always bring my own, I worry about glasses too but I do not have a solution as of yet. I wish I could read music, I would like to learn five songs for the piano and master them to perfection. I like rainy days and get extremely depressed when it rains all night but clears up in the morning. I would like to build a studio with three tables in it for different parts of the process. I am not interested in general history. I cannot drive. I prefer a small size, hard toothbrush, about the width of one or two teeth, the cheapest I can find. I rarely stand up straight to my full height. I loved watching concerts and theatre at the venue called The Arches in Glasgow. My first job not working for my parents was delivering advertising papers to the 173 houses on the largest street in our neighbourhood every Friday night, it took about two and a half hours to complete, the papers were delivered on Thursday so we could fold them, and occasionally I woke up early to deliver them in the morning instead. When I meet somebody for the first time who has not been introduced to me, my default mood is aloof and cold. One of my eyes has 3% vision and is slightly misaligned so I cannot see magic eye pictures, juggle or pour water into a cup with both eyes open. I like the idea of reading Proust but wonder if I ever will. I like vacuuming, I hate dusting. I used to BMX and I would love to try it again. I am only bored when I am trapped in a situation that I cannot get out of, but never when I am left alone and free. I have a recurring nightmare of being decapitated by a large sheet of metal.